There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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