my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
