That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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