My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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