if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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