I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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