I love black thongs
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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