It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
