Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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