You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
