I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
