When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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