I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize