The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
