the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
