Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
