that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
