I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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