but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
