No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
