coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
