After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
