girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
