Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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