i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
