my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
