I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
