i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
