I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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