They should really pass out barf bags in church
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
