the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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