You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
