if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
