Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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