oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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