if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
