So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
