Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
