If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
