I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
