Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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