I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
