ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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