my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
