what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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