Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize