Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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