I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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