I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i now understand why vodka
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
