VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
