Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
