Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
