I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize