After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
