He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
