and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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