So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
