are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
