How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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