I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
