yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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