I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
