you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize