phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
