How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
