Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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