You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
