Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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