please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
