i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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