p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
