not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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