she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
