Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
