also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I skipped work to stalk him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize